Disarray And Frustration...And That’s Just Off The Pitch

Day 4 of the Boxing Day Test. So this is was to be the moment when the Ashes would be reclaimed. Only 3 wickets to go and the English supporters could finally reflect on a tour to Australia that hadn't descended into farce, humiliation and depression. There would be no miraculous escape for the Aussies. Houdini had been ignored by the Australian selectors for the entire series and he wasn't about to enter the fray now.

A formality surely and the travelling fans packed the early-morning trams. All were after that elusive, 'I was there' moment. To be in position when a splayed wicket, a diving catch or the umpire's raised finger signalled the end of 26 years of hurt.

Talk on the way to the G was of $10 or $15 tickets, maybe $20 at the most. Would they even be free? After all these were to be the last rites. Cricket Australia would grant the Barmy Army its hour or so in the sun.

The farcical scenes at the turnstiles would tell another story.

Surprise, surprise a number of England fans had shown up to buy tickets on the gate. And surprise, surprise the powers-that-be were woefully unprepared as the queues grew longer and longer. Frustration spilled over into anger for some as they saw that around a third of the ticket booths remained resolutely shut.

There would be no concessions either. $31 for all. No matter that the contest could be over in a flash.

No officials were on hand to direct the masses to shorter queues or provide advice and reassurance. The tannoy system was on an endless loop, informing members that they could stroll up to the ground at their leisure and take their seats. Zero queues at the ticket office outside the member's stand...but of course the plebs couldn't purchase tickets here.

The clock was ticking and as the umpires and players ventured into the middle the lines had barely moved. The mumblings of discontent continued. Then a roar from inside the ground indicated that the first scalp had been taken. Many now decided to hot-foot it to a bar or big screen to watch the conclusion. Those who remained did so in hope rather than expectation of seeing any cricket at all.

Beyond ridiculous. It can't have been often that the travelling contingent have been praying for the Aussie batsmen to stick around as victory loomed. But this was the case and thankfully Haddin and Siddle did just that and provided some last-gasp entertainment to boot.

This defiant partnership, rather than a welcoming and organised approach outside the ground, ensured that the majority of the fans had their, 'I was there' moment.

There was much to enjoy. KP acknowledging the Barmy Army following his boundary catch, the happy and bouncing embrace as the final wicket fell, the endless flags swirling in the breeze, the victorious lap of honour and the 'sprinkler' dance to round things off. Not to mention Ponting's post-match interview. He answered the tough questions openly and honestly, drawing warm applause from the England fans.

So another Boxing Day test ends. One of the greatest sporting events in the world in one of the greatest stadiums.

Long may it remain so. It will as long as the authorities start putting the fans first.

There was talk of a record crowd on Boxing Day. 85,000 is hardly a disaster but there was to be no new milestone, despite the delicately balanced state of the series beforehand.

With other forms of the game competing hard with test cricket for the fans' bucks, now is not the time for complacency from those running the game.

Ashes Retained!

So in the end if all proved to be fairly straightforward, but that shouldn't detract from a glorious England display as more records tumbled at the MCG.

Boxing Day morning was where the game was won. This must rank as one of the most perfect days in English cricket history. To bowl Australia out on day 1 at the MCG for 98, its lowest score EVER against England at the G, and then reach 157-0 at stumps is not something that will be repeated often, if ever.

Helpful conditions but what superb bowling from the England seamers. Tremlett getting the ball rolling, Jimmy to the fore once again and Bresnan offering great control on his Ashes debut.

No-frills Trott then made sure there was not even the merest chance of an Aussie comeback and come the end of the innings the lead was insurmountable.

More resistance second time around for Ponting's men. But not much more. A second innings victory of the series was duly completed. Kingpin Anderson now top of the wicket-taking charts, Cook and Trott averaging over 100 for the series. Amazing stuff.

Teams are routinely crushed at this iconic and historic ground. In 2006 it was Ponting's men who prevailed by an innings. That man Warne was to the fore that day but his chief role this time around was as a hologram in the superb National Sports Museum at the MCG. A waste of his talents you might say.

England must complete the job in Sydney now. The players have every right to celebrate hard after this thumping win...but briefly. The tour will only be a qualified success if the sides revert to the form shown at the WACA and Australia wins. There is no excuse for taking your eye off the ball in an Ashes series. Winning any Ashes test is a huge task and with the Aussies determined to show some heart to the disgruntled fans, England will have to continue these incredibly high standards to come out on top.

Difficult to know who to leave out for Sydney. Tremlett cannot be discarded now. Will Finn, leading wicket-taker in the series before this game, replace Bresnan? What about playing Monty and Swann if it's the traditional SCG spinning-top? Tricky choices but nice problems to have. Suddenly there seems to be great strength in depth in the bowling department.

The batsmen pick themselves...aside from one man. We'll leave further analysis of Colly's form and role in the team for another day and just enjoy the simple fact that...

...the Ashes have been retained!

Strauss & Cook work off the turkey on Boxing Day. Where have all the Aussies gone?



That incredible Boxing Day final scorecard



Takes all sorts



Boxing Day Crew



Back for the last rites



The winning moment

Momentum Is All...Or Is It?

The most iconic cricketing spectacle of them all. The Boxing Day test at the MCG.

Cricket is meant to be played in front of one man and a dog on some village green, where the local beer is warm and there is always a hint of drizzle in the air. Not at the 'G'. 90,000+ will be crammed in on Sunday and with the series on a knife edge there is talk of the world record attendance for a cricket ground, set at the same venue in 1961, being broken.

This year there's added spice. The locals haven't seen a 'live' Ashes game here since 1986. Ever since then the series has been wrapped up in time for Santa's annual, world chimney tour.

Last time round England went down by an innings, meekly surrending in its first and second innings, on the way to that embarrassing whitewash. Of the current top 6 only Trott was missing from the line-up that day. After banishing the demons of Adelaide there are plenty more to aim for in Melbourne.

England last won here in 1998 when Dean Headley took 6-60 in the second innings as Australia crumbled to 162 all out, a mere 13 runs shy of the victory target. But, again, the Ashes had already been retained by the Aussies in Perth.

This time everything is up for grabs. 1-1. England tantalisingly close to keeping the urn, Australia bouncing after Perth.

Much talk of momentum in the build-up. It's the word on everyone's lips.

Common consensus has it that having momentum on your side is like having another man on your team, and one who can swashbuckle with the best of them. England's glass was full to the brim with momentum after Adelaide. Then Strauss and co turned round after Perth to find that someone had swiped their pint glass. Suddenly the momentum had 'swung' and now Australia has all the forward motion. England cannot even lay claim to any of the remaining dregs left over from Adelaide.

Let's see what the experts are saying:

A common opener in many articles, this one from Yahoo, "The five-match series is currently tied at 1-1, but Australia has the momentum following their 267 run win in the third Test at Perth's WACA Ground."

Justin Langer, writing in his newspaper column: "We have great momentum."

Ponting: "Momentum and confidence is (sic) a great thing in sport. We've got the tide going back in our direction now."

Shane Warne, "Australia will win here because they have all the momentum after the win in Perth. In sport, momentum is crucial because it has an impact on everything."

Right. Thank Shane. That's pretty clear-cut. He could have said Australia will win because its players are better/ in-form/ used to the local conditions, or any number of other factors usually used by pundits to make sporting predictions.

But he didn't.

It's solely down to the M word according to the chicken-bite-loving blondie. It must be able to mask the continuing problems Australia is experiencing with its top order. (Hussey notably aside)

England are done for. Without momentum there's little point in turning up. Abandon hope all ye Englishmen who enter the MCG.

But hang on. There's another side to this maddening coin. Let's take a look at the English perspective:

Strauss: "Momentum from Adelaide didn't take us far in Perth."

Pietersen: "We took momentum into Perth and we got hammered."

Fan day in Melbourne - interviewer to Strauss:

"A lot's been talked about momentum but momentum only carries you so far. The momentum's changed with every test."

So momentum is, paradoxically, crucial to your chances of winning before the match but of little importance if you manage to turn everything on its head and win. Then it's all yours until the next game, where you can continue using its magical powers or discard it like an unwanted Christmas present.

To sum up. Australia wins at the MCG. Well obviously. Momentum carried them over the line. England wins and it's easily explained by some Anderson-like late swing of the stuff.

Who will have this elusive momentum going into the final test in Sydney? Funny old game.

A Spanner In The Works

And the spanner goes by the name of Mitchell Johnson. After all the big talk he finally re-found his mojo and produced a match-winning performance to boot. Delivering crucial first innings runs under the gun and then ripping apart England's once impregnable batting. The remedial work to his action in the nets clearly worked and the much-maligned selectors have to take a huge amount of credit for managing the situation so well. Shock horror, maybe they knew what they were doing all along. Not good news for Strauss' men after all the 'momentum' gained in Brisbane and Adelaide.

It was all looking so good after the first day. Admittedly the wagging Australian tail gave a far rosier complexion to the Australian total. But to bowl Ponting's men out for 268 on the first day of any test match has to be regarded as a success. Even the second innings bowling performance was highly commendable.

Tremlett was a more than adequate replacement for Broad on the bouncy WACA, Jimmy snared Ponting early on day one and looked pretty threatening throughout, Finn was expensive but chipped in with key wickets, Collingwood hastened the end of the second innings. Swann had a tough game but he produced the ball to remove Mr Cricket on day one. That man isn't giving many chances at the moment.

This time it was the batsmen who let the side down. Seems like it's all or nothing at the moment. 500-1 switfly becomes 123 all out. Where's the middle ground? Australia recovered from 69-5 to post 268 on day one whereas England plummeted to 187 after being 78-0 and 98-5. If England had got closer to Australia's first innnings total then that final run chase would have been far more 'gettable' in the players' minds. Even so to only make 123 was woeful. Losing is one thing, surrendering another.

After his heroics in the first two tests, Cook is of course immune from any blame. Strauss is looking a bit short of runs but the opening pair got England started before Cook became Johnson's first victim and the rapid slump beagn in earnest. KP did what only he can and followed up a career test best in Adelaide with a grand total of 3 runs in Perth. Bell continues to look the part but to he needs to prove his status as the best looking batsman in the side with big runs. A move up the order has been mooted to ensure he doesn't end up trying to force the issue when batting with the tail. A no-brainer at the moment.

The spotlight again falls on Collingwood before the 4th test. He had another poor match with the bat and can't hold down a place solely because of his excellent slip catching. The good news, apparently, is that when his position is under threat he tends to deliver. The bad news is that it seems to take a lot for his position to come under threat.

It was left to Alistair Cook to deliver the familiar Colly soundbite this week, "When his back is against the wall he plays his best cricket."

How many times have we heard this? Was the situation not perilous enough for him in Perth? Will the batsmen above him in the order have to deliberately lose their wickets to create the right environment for him to play himself back into form? He's not quite hanging on for dear life yet but he's close for the umpteenth time. England needs his fabled battling qualities, as well as his undisputed and continued prowess in the field, in Melbourne.

If he gets the expected nod, Collingwood can't fail to enjoy the atmosphere at the MCG on Boxing Day. The Aussies are scenting blood and after looking so dominant in Adleaide, England are in a right old scrap now.

This Ashes series is alive and kicking.

Now that's what we wanted.

WACA WACA WACA

Some snaps from the WACA before the start of the third Ashes test. Look out for the scouser...

Queen's Gardens



Split stumps to commemorate every test at the WACA. Last and only win for England was in 1978...the wait goes on





Last-minute fielding practice



Artist's impression of the future WACA post-rennovation..




View from the posh seats




Bradman Room




Strauss and co warm up in the nets




Here's Robbie

SOS@SKWarne

The Clamour and the Glamour

The Aussies really are in a right old pickle. Fair to say that consistency of selection has well and truly gone out of the window, particularly in the spinning department.

Let's have a quick recap.

Nathan Hauritz dropped for Brisbane, replaced by Xavier Doherty. Ricky Ponting liked the look of him during a rare outing for Tasmania. Hauritz responds by taking career-best figures for NSW and even throws in a century for good measure. Doherty shows some promise at the Gabba and is retained for Adelaide...where he has a bit of a meltdown. Ponting probably doesn't like the look of him now.

Ok so young Xavier has to be given a break for Perth. Back to Hauritz right? Er, no... time for a Beer. Well, he has played a grand total of five first-class matches. Did fairly well against England, but wasn't selected in the original 17-strong Australian Ashes squad. Or for Australia A come to think of it. But no matter, he’ll be right.

Just like many of the petty rules in Australia, the whole thing really does beggar belief. Beer could end up taking 10 wickets against England…he could also end up seeing his pies express delivered to all parts of the WACA.

Surely now is the time to put the call into Warney. Or maybe a text…a tweet even.

They say in sport you should always make the move that the opposition would like the least...and for an English cricket fan the sight of Shane Warne bounding into the middle, baggy green on head, cherry in hand is probably top of the list.

Picture the scene. The MCG. Boxing Day. Warney's home turf. Australia scraped home for an unconvincing draw in Perth. One down with two Tests to play.

England wins the toss in Melbourne, Cook and Strauss strap on the pads and head to the middle. For the first hour they make yet more hay as Johnson/ Bollinger/ Harris/ Siddle/ Hilfenhaus/ Cameron/ Lee/ McGrath/ Hughes/ Thomson/ Lillee/ A.N Other Aussie Quick steam in with bluster but little penetration.

Ponting has seen enough and tosses the ball to that man, to predictable raucous cheers from the stands. England's openers look at each other with something approaching minor panic. Is it going to be the flipper, the top spinner, the googly, the slider, or the tried and tested rippin' leg break...? Can he still bowl all these variations?

Captain Strauss walks down the track, dabs the hallowed turf with his trusted willow and glances up at the great man as he casually spins the ball from one hand to the other. Strauss takes guard and here comes the blonde bombshell with that familiar Sunday-stroll-to-the-beach gait. The action and accuracy haven’t changed a bit and the ball pitches outside Strauss' off stump. Two nations hold their breath.

It's the conventional leg spinner. It turns murderously and smashes into the middle stump of the England skipper.

Might have a game on here.

There are a few twists and turns to come but the headlines after the final day in Sydney reveal that Warne has defied age, common sense and skepticism to win back the Ashes for Australia. A nation salutes its conquering hero. Twitter goes into meltdown. Hugh Grant texts his congrats.

There's a simpler story which goes something like this: Warne watches Ashes from London hotel room (Liz has got filming commitments, it's just easier this way), clinical England retains Ashes in Perth, wins series at the MCG with another thumping victory and by the time the bandwagon rolls into Sydney the home support and the Barmy Army have forgotten the cricket and are chilling at Bondi by day and partying at King’s Cross by night.

But that's no fun is it?

Another 4? Must Be Time For A Delicious Chicken Bite

Chicken nuggests, Johnnie Walker, Gatorade and the Colonel: it must be the cricket season.

Two fantastic test so far in this Ashes series. No complaints about the events on the pitch but for the fans there are nuisances and irritants at every turn, as the rampant commercialisation of the game steps up a level.

In every conceivable gap in the action, whether watching live or on television, there is a barrage of advertising and ex-players lining up to offer their ringing endorsements to some product or other.

Hayden brings a beaming smile and a gushing, excited travel pitch to his 1 minute of fame, while Gilchrist is involved in a hilariously stilted conversation about youth cricket. However neither can match one of the chief sponsor's spots which involves the current, beleaguered team singing embarrassingly into the camera. Can't bat, can't bowl, can't field...add can't sing to that list.

Serious calls Down Under for Warney to be recalled but he's already making his presence felt, just unfortunately not with his sharply spinning, dipping leg breaks. Not only is he offering his pearls in the commentary box, he is also fronting a frankly ridiculous campaign for everyone's favourite fast-food chain.

Turn to the big screen after a ball whistles to the boundary and you will invariably see the great man's grinning face behind the latest poultry-based, nutritious sarnie.

Eventually you might get to see a replay of the shot.

Often he can be talking on the TV when the ad will be visible behind the action so you get to see and hear old Shane simultaneously. The tagline for the same company on the hoardings reads, 'So tasty it sells itself.' Why the need for Australia's favourite son then?

If it's a significant score for the batting team, hundred up for a batsman or a record partnership we must now accept that this is a Johnny Walker milestone. A drinks break is no longer simply a chance for the players to rehydrate, it's an excuse to bring a huge bottle of energy pop onto the ground. The 20 minute stoppage after the afternoon session has been re-named the Vodafone Tea Break. The stumps are similarly branded. If anything can be comandeered by the sponsors it will be.

What's next?

Is the sacred green, baggy cap safe? Or will we soon see that embossed with corporate logos and messages?

The promotion of children's cricket during the lunch interval at the Gabba or Adelaide Oval is of course commendable...but does it really need to be sponsored by a high calorie, chocolate milk drink? Clearly every sport needs its sponsors but fast food, whisky and energy drinks hardly seem ideal choices for the young cricketers watching on or indeed the active sportsman.

Advertising is taking over the television coverage, and no longer solely during the commercial breaks. We now have the Colonel's question thanks to Kid Friendly Chicken, Kangaroo Fried Chippy or whatever it is called. Or a trivia poser from that bottle of scotch.

But nothing is more shameful than when one of the commentators shifts seamlessly from an analysis of the game to plugging a mobile phone provider or another needy sponsor. Mute buttons have never been used so quickly around the country.

Can I heartily recommend ABC's radio coverage of the test matches which is thankfully still immune to this marketing blitz. It remains focused on insightful and entertaining commentary rather than all this hullabaloo which surrounds and invades the game.